He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
