Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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