he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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