is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
