I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Houston, we have a blender
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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