my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
