That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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