how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
