you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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