if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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