Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
