people are starting to question the shark bite story
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
tell me about the eggs
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