You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
