He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
