its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
