Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
