kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
