ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
