It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
