As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
