I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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