____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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