you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
