Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
