Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
