I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You took a bar mat shot.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
