I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
