I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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