he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
