Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
