I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
