This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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