New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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