On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
