I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
