im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Randomize
