god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
