It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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