I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
