also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize