Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
