What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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