Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
