Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize