I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize