I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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