Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
