Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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