i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
