Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
