I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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