I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
