the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
