maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
