Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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