I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
