He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
