i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
