The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
