That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
