He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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