my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
