jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
