STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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