hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
