what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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