Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
